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November 14 tangles, anxiety day

I woke up feeling really anxious and took my meds, it didn't help much, so I was drawing for a bit to distract myself. This is my first tangle of the day.

This is a simple tangle I did when I was feeling anxious. I did it in blue gel pen, since I ran out of black ones, but it looks better in B&W. I added a lot of shading. I used a blue gel pen and a pencil, and a compass to make the circle.

I wanted to write a word, so I decided on "Fear" because that was sort of how I felt. I was anxious and fearful of everything. Anxiety blows. I did the F as a zentangle alphabet letter, but got bored with it and decided to just write the "ear" in my handwriting and add small patterns to it.

This is one of my favourite zentangles I've done. I used something I found on Google as a reference and drew it in black fine tip marker, which is dying, I need more. I then added the patterns with a pencil and the black felt tip pen, and coloured it in with watercolour markers and made a thick outline around the entire thing with a black watercolour marker. 

I'm feeling less anxious now.

Paranoia

It's hard to explain psychosis. It's even harder to draw it. Yes, I hear voices, have delusions, get paranoid and more. No, I'm not violent (true fact: those with mental illness are more likely to be the victims of a crime than commit the crime itself) but my mind can get pretty scary. I've never hit another person.

My delusions are on the line that I influence people with my mind, such as causing them sickness because I'm toxic. I can't look people in the eyes because they'll be able to read my mind. Stuff like that. So I made this zentangle. It's not exactly a zentangle, but its doodle art, so I'm posting it.

All of my black gel pens are now dead so I'll be posting in blue for a bit, after this, or red. I went through a set of 12 black gel pens with zen doodles!

With paranoia, nothing goes the right way or makes any sense. Your mind is essentially tangled up. Fortunately, I didn't draw this while paranoid. I used ideas from an old painting I did, the faces with arms and the eyes. I wanted a lot snaking through.
Take it for what it's worth. I'm no artist. But this is how I draw one symptom: paranoia.

A couple happier tangles

Since my psychiatrist raised the artane and gabapentin, I've been feeling better. I made these two tangles just experimenting and making letters (well, for the first one).

I think my mixed episode is over, but I haven't calmed completely down.

Here's my name. I want to make a complete alphabet. Just not tonight!

And here is one called Sunny Hours because it has a sunset feel. I got my inspiration on Google (just Googling "zentangle" to get ideas) My favourite part is the bottom with the flowers.

Irritation tangle

I've been having a lot of problems with irritability and agitation lately, which, turns out (my psychiatrist caught this one) my antipsychotic Piportil has been causing akathasia, also known as internal restlessness, and also some general restlessness on the outside too.

He raised my Artane, which is an Anti-Parkinson's drug used to treat akathasia and other side effects from antipsychotics (such as extrapramidal symptoms and involuntary jerking body movements) and it's helping so far. I also don't have a cold anymore. My mood is less "mixed episode" and more "almost hypomanic, bouncing back and forth on that fine line".

So this is my irritation zentangle. It sucks, to be honest, but it's hard to do anything when you're irritated.

In a better mood, did some more positive tangles

In a better mood today. I was miserable when I woke up to a text from my neigbour, but I got up, took my meds (am meds: 100mg Gabapentin, 0.5mg Clonazepam, 20mg Ritalin) and went out for a smoke. We went to a used tire place and got me a spare tire after I deposited my roommates rent into my account. They put air in my one tire, which I'm hoping doesn't have a nail in it or something.

I made this start tangle, it was hard to get the star right. I drew a hexagon to put the star in and decided to leave the hexagon around it. I think it turned out pretty cool.

Click to view bigger

It's a pretty simple tangle to do, only took me about half hour. I like it a lot.

Here's my second tangle. I did it in my journal, so smaller paper, and was looking at a similar one on Google. I used a lot of different tangles and a lot of line tangles, as you can see. I chose the word "hope" because I actually have some.

Click to view bigger.

I really like the way "hope" turned out. It was more complex and took me a couple of hours. 

I'm going to Hooters for wings tonight, yum, I can't wait.

My roommate drama is over with a hug, on last Saturday, which was good because I was really freaked out. I don't want to lose my roommate as a friend, and I didn't. I just need to keep my big mouth shut sometimes!

An update! Oh my!

I'm still stuck in this mixed episode and feeling pretty negative. I went riding today and did a bounce (jump one fence, no stride, jump the other fence in a row), bareback (no saddle) at a canter, which was pretty cool. I started a new journal. Here's the first entry with a zentangle horse.

Not my best tangle, but I like it, and it gets what I did today.

Next is a tangle I made while feeling really shitty. I see my psychiatrist on the 10th and it couldn't come any sooner. Yes, it could, actually, but the 10th it is. Sigh.

Click to view it larger. I put a lot of writing into it, and a lot of simple tangles. I couldn't get my one tangle right, and felt like I fucked up the whole thing. Ugh. 

Mixed episodes suck. One minute I'm up, the next I'm down, then I'm agitated and irritable. 

Now here's one I did with some inspiration from Google. It's a heart, and I like it. My mood had lifted since making the negative scribble one above.

That one I used simple tangles and a lot of line work. I like it. I need to steady my hands. They shake.